It was about 8 yrs ago when I had to verbally tell Satan he had no hold on me these days after that they did seem better.
This past November I asked a friend that was going through her first holiday season after losing her dad if she would like to go to a Grief Share meeting it was a special session just for the holiday season. We went and WOW 21 years later. I now realized how my family all dealt with the holiday season different because of the way we grieved. It was eye-opening to me. The leader invited us back and gave us the book to go with the class. I had just set it a side until the past few weeks when I was looking at returning to the class and as I opened it to the section we were going to be in I decided to go back a week so I would know that they had done the week before so that I could see what homework they might be reviewing. There it was writing a letter to those near us about what we are experiencing, what we find comfort in, how they can comfort us, and the practical needs we have. I was writing it out and thought this is a blog to share. I may be different than many others but here is an open letter to my support group 22yrs later how it still affects me.
Dear support team,
Yes, it has been 22yrs ago since I lost my sister. I still have times of grief that hurt deep. These times truly have become fewer and easier to identify as moments of missing her or the way my family was. Even still When I cry it's not my weakness or lack of faith but a way to express the true love God has given me for one person that has impacted my life so deeply. They are also a way for me to heal and let my heart talk it out.
My biggest trigger is still music. The words to a song like Amazing Grace "Was blind and now I see" my sister was blind the last 6+yrs of her life. and Yesterday during worship you may have seen me cry when the song mentioned a borrowed tomb and ashes. This was because I could clearly see her in the borrowed coffin at the funeral but knew that I held her ashes as we spread them years later. The images that come back in my mind so vivid and real will make my eyes well in love and hurt at the same time. Whether it's of the Christmas morning tradition I had of opening stockings with her. When the song I walked in to on tv when we went to tell my cousins and one was doing the dishes and dropped the plate at the site of us knowing what he was about to be told. These are all little triggers that will bring my heart to moments of broken not knowing what to feel. The want to feel the love of the person I miss and still wanting to just hold her hand or see her live out a normal life.
One thing that I used to struggle within the beginning was the why but later as the years have passed I see that it is good even in my hurting. I have been able to walk alongside others that have lost. I have been able to hug a man almost twice my age as he cried out loud saying "You know what it's like." his situation was so different but we have been able to connect in ways we never had before. I have jumped in the car and driven over to a friends house and just sat as she could only cry into the phone "He is gone" Grief is not something you can understand even if you have been through it it's different for us all. I have been given peace in the fact that it was my sisters' death is what has given me salvation. Yes to some of you that may not seem like a good thing but if you have not received the true salvation of the Lord this is a difficult concept for you to grasp. It was a story that started a few weeks prior to my sisters passing but it truly brought me to a place that God made it clear that he is real and I couldn't deny what I went through those few weeks. I have never seen his hand in my life so clearly.
Thank you for caring,
Aliza Anderson
That was the letter i wrote but there is so much more to the trail of grief than just that.
The other thing that has been hard for me is knowing that my sister was taken away long before she left her earthly body there is a different grief process because each time we do Christmas as a family someone will mention what would it be like if She was there. My family often says something like "Would she have had kids? How many? Would she live close or far?". To me, this is not where my mind goes. I know even those that lose parents to Dementia and Alzheimers go through the grief of losing them before they were gone and the grief of seeing others have parents clear-minded to the day they leave this earth and those are hard losses that can grieve very differently.
My prayer for you whether you are on the grief trail with me or you are the one coming alongside someone on that trail. I pray that God will give you just what you need today to reach out to those who are hurting. Whether it is sharing your pain or it's just sitting quite listening or just being. You really don't need to say anything no matter what side of the grief you are on.
Dear support team,
Yes, it has been 22yrs ago since I lost my sister. I still have times of grief that hurt deep. These times truly have become fewer and easier to identify as moments of missing her or the way my family was. Even still When I cry it's not my weakness or lack of faith but a way to express the true love God has given me for one person that has impacted my life so deeply. They are also a way for me to heal and let my heart talk it out.
My biggest trigger is still music. The words to a song like Amazing Grace "Was blind and now I see" my sister was blind the last 6+yrs of her life. and Yesterday during worship you may have seen me cry when the song mentioned a borrowed tomb and ashes. This was because I could clearly see her in the borrowed coffin at the funeral but knew that I held her ashes as we spread them years later. The images that come back in my mind so vivid and real will make my eyes well in love and hurt at the same time. Whether it's of the Christmas morning tradition I had of opening stockings with her. When the song I walked in to on tv when we went to tell my cousins and one was doing the dishes and dropped the plate at the site of us knowing what he was about to be told. These are all little triggers that will bring my heart to moments of broken not knowing what to feel. The want to feel the love of the person I miss and still wanting to just hold her hand or see her live out a normal life.
One thing that I used to struggle within the beginning was the why but later as the years have passed I see that it is good even in my hurting. I have been able to walk alongside others that have lost. I have been able to hug a man almost twice my age as he cried out loud saying "You know what it's like." his situation was so different but we have been able to connect in ways we never had before. I have jumped in the car and driven over to a friends house and just sat as she could only cry into the phone "He is gone" Grief is not something you can understand even if you have been through it it's different for us all. I have been given peace in the fact that it was my sisters' death is what has given me salvation. Yes to some of you that may not seem like a good thing but if you have not received the true salvation of the Lord this is a difficult concept for you to grasp. It was a story that started a few weeks prior to my sisters passing but it truly brought me to a place that God made it clear that he is real and I couldn't deny what I went through those few weeks. I have never seen his hand in my life so clearly.Thank you for caring,
Aliza Anderson
That was the letter i wrote but there is so much more to the trail of grief than just that.
The other thing that has been hard for me is knowing that my sister was taken away long before she left her earthly body there is a different grief process because each time we do Christmas as a family someone will mention what would it be like if She was there. My family often says something like "Would she have had kids? How many? Would she live close or far?". To me, this is not where my mind goes. I know even those that lose parents to Dementia and Alzheimers go through the grief of losing them before they were gone and the grief of seeing others have parents clear-minded to the day they leave this earth and those are hard losses that can grieve very differently.
My prayer for you whether you are on the grief trail with me or you are the one coming alongside someone on that trail. I pray that God will give you just what you need today to reach out to those who are hurting. Whether it is sharing your pain or it's just sitting quite listening or just being. You really don't need to say anything no matter what side of the grief you are on.
